The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think I just sharted jello shots
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
