so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
