i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
