help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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