Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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