Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
