I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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