When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
