you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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