i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
