Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
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im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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