I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
