So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
