This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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