How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
