I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My dad is sitting where you rode me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
