I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize