i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
