people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
They are going to name an STD after you.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
