so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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