i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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