Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
