And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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