My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
