According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
