Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
