Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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