dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
