I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
