i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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