You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
