i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
