I feel great
I just peed on a car
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize