My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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