have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
