The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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