Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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