my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
