He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
