The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
