it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Randomize
