He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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