you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
