How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
