I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
