i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
