if i can run in heels then i can drive
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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