My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
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can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
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making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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