I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
