I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just found puke in my bra..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
