Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I skipped work to stalk him.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
