6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
