I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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