oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
