He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
