none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
