i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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