remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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