First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
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