You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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