apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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