I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
