He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
