I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
