first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
