He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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