Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
