Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
