idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
