there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
