Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
