Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
