Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
