come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
God, you're like boner-b-gone
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
