it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
