had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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