Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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