We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
