Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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