i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
