how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
