Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
